Thank god Friday is here!  This has been my first week back in reality and I am desperate for the weekend.  I need to make this clear - I love my new job!  My co-workers are awesome and the work itself is fun.  It has just been tough adjusting to a normal schedule.  I have also been very busy with my social life.  Big problem, I know!  I need some “Mike” time.  A day that I dedicate to relaxing.  Maybe next week.  Tonight I had a hockey game.  Hockey has been a frustrating experience for quite a while.  I was never great at it.  As a younger man, my greatest skill came with my ability to hit people in open ice.  I would consider that a skill as it takes some serious timing.  Before I took a couple of years off, I was the kind of guy who scored goals.  I knew that if I got the puck that there was a good chance it was going in the net.  I was so confident in my abilities.  These days I have crawled into some kind of shell that I just can’t bust out of.  I seem to get more hesitant with each game.  I am so screwed up that my body just freaks out when I am near the puck.  I know I need to just slow things down and take the puck and take my time and look for opportunities.  Knowing and doing and very different things.  Amazing what confidence can do!  I have it in all other aspects of my life.  None on the ice anymore.  I am thinking I should get drunk before my next game.  I am always a little more ballsy when I have had a few.  Let’s see what happens!  Happy Friday everyone.  If you are in Canada then I know what you will be watching tonight  As usual, here is an SMBC comic that has nothing to do with anything.

One day in and I already miss life as a bum.  For the first time since December of 2008, I am back in the ranks of the working class.  I actually had an excellent day at the office.  Everyone was very nice and it seems like it will be a fun group to be around.  I will get to satisfy my geeky nature while I continue to pursue my ultimate goal of being a firefighter.  It really is the perfect situation.  Hell, my new boss even bought me lunch today!  Not bad at all.  Everything was great right up until 5:30 when I left the office.  In case you don’t live in Toronto, we got hit with a bit of a snow storm.  This wasn’t exactly unexpected, it was on pretty much every weather report you could find.  Somehow this managed to cripple the commute home.  my hour long drive took 2.5 hours to get home!  I needed over an hour and a half just to get to the highway.  On my drive I saw people in ditches, people who had smashed into each other and people who almost ran over pedestrians.  Seriously, we live in freakin’ Canada.  This is freakin’ February.  Why the fuck are we so unprepared for this?!?!?!  It’s snow.  You have seen it before!  Make your dumb ass familiar with it’s properties and it’s affect on your vehicle.  This will come up again in the near future.  Unless you have the memory retention of an eggplant this knowledge will be applicable repeatedly.  Just a tip from your favorite smart-ass!  Now, as is tradition, a web comic that has nothing to do with anything I just talked about.  This is just about how awesome engineers are.  Enjoy!

I have blogged a lot about the differences between men and women.  Usually I keep the discussion about boobs but every rare once in a while I go a little deeper.  I think women get bad advice when it comes to guys.  The main problem is they usually rely on other women to feed them info.  That’s like the blind leading the blind!  Women can’t tell you how a man thinks.  I read some of the advice given and it makes me cringe.  There is so much subtlety in the way women think and act that we, as men, really have no idea what’s going on.  Women - you operate on some deep levels.  We are impressed.  You have so many layers that it’s amazing you actually want to spend your time with us.  I once actually read a column that suggested a woman ask her man what’s going through his mind when he is gazing dreamily into the distance.  Are you fucking insane!?  Let me tell you what we are thinking: Nothing!  Seriously, we have absolutely nothing going on at this time and we enjoy that.  It’s why we are looking at the wall.  When a woman asks us about our feelings at this time we panic.  CRAP!  What am I supposed to say?  If I tell the truth and admit to thinking about nothing then she won’t believe it and assume I am breaking up with her.  If I come up with something quickly then I wouldn’t have scanned it for any chance it can be related to her weight.  Fuck!  The clock is ticking and she is still waiting for an answer!  Maybe if I jump out off the balcony then it will cause a change in subject.  Hopefully, I proved my point there.  Not all the advice you get about how to deal with men is quality.  If you want to know how a guy would react then just go out and ask a dude.  Although, make sure it is a guy you know.  If you ask some random guy then he will instantly assume you want to have sex with him and he will tell you whatever he thinks is the fastest route to your vagina.  I got the below images from CoolMaterial.  It’s an awesome site geared towards dudes.  These are what women’s magazines would look like if a guy wrote them.  Funny, but very true!

Alright, I know I am extremely late to wish you all a Happy Valentine’s Day.  I figure that if you have someone you love then you were probably busy spending time with them, so you really shouldn’t have been checking out my blog.  If you were alone then you probably didn’t want me reminding your lonely ass about the empty life you live.  I spent Valentine’s evening drinking with some friends at a bar downtown Toronto.  Things got a little hazy and I ended up in some persons living room wearing pants that didn’t belong to me.  Weird.  Well, weird for anyone but me.  Sadly, this kind of thing seems to happen fairly often for me!  I spent all of the holiday Monday recovering from the damage I did to my liver.  This week is all about trying to get back into some form of routine.  School is done.  My vacation is over.  It is time to get back to reality.  I recently accepted a job offer with a tech company in Toronto.  I start my job on Monday.  This will be my career until I get on with a fire department in the area.  I am pretty excited about making money again.  I haven’t done that since 2008!  That pretty much gets you up to date on my world.  Here are two Valentine’s Day related funnies that I think you will enjoy.  The first is from FailBlog and features a bunch of wedding proposals that are…well…complete fails!  When asking someone to marry you in front of a large group of people I would think you should make sure beforehand that the answer would be a yes.  After that you get the Valentine’s Day comic from XKCD.  God I love geek humor!  Since I am largely abusive to you, my faithful blog readers, I think today I should be nice.  I actually love you all….except Kevin Gray.  I hate you Kevin.  I hate you with every muscle in my elegant, brown body!

Just Awesome.

I haven’t posted an SMBC comic on here in a while.  So, I was able to go through quite a few to pick one I really liked.  I figured you would get a kick out of this one.  This week has been a little crazy for me.  Even though I am done school I still have some major exams coming up.  Tomorrow I write 4 different tests.  It is pretty much a summary of everything I have learned this past year.  I enjoy a challenge so I have yet to really start studying!  I have been putting it off for a lot of days now.  I really am a master at procrastination.  When I have to study I find that absolutely any other activity is fun.  Yesterday I found laundry and cleaning the floors to be an absolute blast!  Today I have about 5 guys coming over and hopefully they will kick my ass into gear.  My only break from studying today will be to feed those animals when they get here.  As a result of my schedule, I probably won’t post anything tomorrow.  I will let you all know how it went on Friday.

Here is that SMBC comic…

This was a song from the MTV Movie Awards.  It’s funny because it is something I always laughed at.  In action movies, the hero always walks away from these massive explosions without even looking back.  Seems a little dangerous to me.  I guess that’s why I am not an action hero.

You know, it’s time to be a little more positive about things.  I often post fails (courtesy of FailBlog) on this site.  It’s funny.  We all laugh at the stupidity.  Everyone goes home happy.  I figured that we could stand to see some awesome pics as well.  Moments caught that are complete wins!  Thanks to EpicWinFTW I am able to bring you a little sample.  Sorry for the infrequency of posting recently.  I will be more attentive to helping cure your bores going forward

I am back on Canadian soil.  Unfortunately, I am also back in Canadian weather.  After spending the last 9 days in shorts and flip flops and I pretty pissed off about having to wear a jacket.  Damn it’s cold up here!  I am happy to be back in my own bed though.  Below is a nice sample of some of the pics I got while I was down there.  Some of them are pretty random.  The last few show how I took a private jet for my flight back to Toronto.  I have to tell you, this is the only way to fly.  On a normal commercial flight you have to show up 3 hours before the departure in order to get through the anal probes that the new security rules require.  For the flight home, we showed up 15 minutes before take off!  No security steps.  The flight was faster and smoother…not to mention more comfortable.  Upon arrival, all I did was walk 10 feet from the jet to the limo.  No dealing with immigration or customs.  I think this is the way I will have to travel from now on.  Firefighters make enough to pay for private jets, right? 

Every dude has dealt with this before.  I can’t even say too much because the comic does it for me.  Just read and enjoy.  Any guy that has been through the same situation, which is probably all of you, will instantly feel it!  This comes to us courtesy of AbstruseGoose.