My god it is a GORGEOUS day in the city!  It would be such a shame to have spent this day working.  So, I didn’t.  I spent the first half of the day knocking off a million items on my to-do list.  I spent the back half of the work day having a beer on a patio and taking a nap.  It is now 5pm.  If you didn’t manage to cut out of work like I did, I hope you take advantage of this amazing weather.  Go rollerblading.  Grab dinner and drinks with some friends.  Take a walk around the city.  I am spending the first part of this evening playing hockey with my friends - attempting to keep the Aggressive Salmon undefeated.  The back half of my evening…who knows what trouble I can get myself into.  It smells like those endless summer nights.  I plan to enjoy it!

pic is courtesy of Digital Owl

This is my first post since my bday party.  I invited pretty much the entire internet to come out and celebrate with me.  If you showed up…well…I don’t remember!  I lost track of about 50% of the night.  I know that I am still alive.  This post proves that.  After that it is time to slow it down a little bit and try to get more rest in.  I will let you know how that goes.  Today I did manage to knock a HUGE thing off of my to-do list.  I passed my DZ driver’s license test.  This means I can drive a big truck with air brakes…like…oh…say a fire truck!  This is pretty much the last requirement I needed in order to be able to apply to any department.  Some departments want you to have your DZ before applying.  Although it didn’t hurt me so far, it would have prevented me from applying in July to Toronto Fire.  Thankfully, I can now say I meet all the requirements!  Now I actually have an evening to relax and catch up on my video games and reading.  As you should expect by now - here is a comic that has nothing to do about anything I just talked about.  Although, it is an interesting statement about traditional gender roles when raising children.

Holy crap this week has been insane!  Work has had me busier than I have ever been in my life.  Combine that with a heavy work out schedule and the fact that I am trying to maintain a social life and you get a guy who pretty much hasn’t slept in a week.  My project was supposed to run over the weekend, but that got pushed back.  So, I am free all weekend!  I am so pumped about this because today is going to be my Bday party.  I turned 32 on Thursday and I am meeting up with some friends tonight downtown Toronto to have too much to drink and get into some shenanigans.  One of the problems with planning any form of party like this is that you always get some people bitching about the location.  This is the one night where I really wont care about anybody else not liking the location.  I enjoy it.  There are plenty of good beers to drink. Lastly, it’s my damn bday!!!  Besides, I can pretty much guarantee that it will be fun.  I plan to drink until I can’t feel feelings.  Most of my readers are in the States, but if you happen to be in Toronto and want to come out and say hi, feel free to come to Bier Markt King West.  I will be the ridiculously handsome brown guy who is passed out on the floor.  As per usual, here is a comic that has nothing to do with anything.

So, I was taking a massive piss today and I got to thinking about urine.  I mean, it’s kinda funny that your body needs to get rid of something constantly.  What’s worse is that you need to get rid of this stuff the more you drink!  Since this is my blog and I can pretty much do what I want, here is an infographic that is all about piss.

[Source: Medical Billing and Coding]

The title says it all.  Men don’t cry unless there is a damn good reason.  There is no question that this chart clearly shows there is only one good reason for a man to cry like a blubbering idiot.  This comes to us courtesy of Maxim.

OK, this has been bugging me for a long time.  Here is the deal: I just woke up from a nap and found a nice amount of drool on my pillow.  No biggie, this happens all the time.  What got me curious is the fact that this doesn’t seem to happen to me at night.  First, I guess we should look at what the drooling process is all about from WikiAnswers…

One generally drools when they are asleep because they are not consciously swallowing. When one is awake, excess saliva is swallowed, but when asleep, this process does not occur as often. Therefore, anyone who sleeps with their mouth open has the tendency to drool, especially if they are a heavy sleeper. If the drooling is excessive, and causes interruptions of your sleep, there are medications which may help. Talk with your doctor if you feel treatment is needed.

Alright, that makes sense.  But why doesn’t this happen when I am asleep at night?  My first thought is that I do in fact drool, but it dries up over the course of the night.  When I wake up to a dry pillow, I just assume I didn’t drool.  My next guess is that the government comes into my house at night and steals my drool in an attempt to get DNA samples in order to figure out if my awesomeness can somehow be cloned.  After years of failed attempts they are still at it, so it seems that I have never drooled at night.  Whatever.  Either way I really shouldn’t care.  I just got a little obsessive about it today and writing it out helps me get over a thought that won’t leave my head.  This blog is my therapy!  Enjoy the rest of your Easter weekend everyone!

Since I am on this wicked retro kick, I might as well talk about advertising from back in the day.  Seriously - it was down right creepy!  I am not going to give you too much commentary here.  You can make up your own mind.  Weird.  Very, very weird.  My favorite has to be the ad that says how “studies” have shown that drinking sugary cola drinks early in life help kids adjust in their teen years.  Either advertisers were really bold, or people were damn idiots.  These ads come to us courtesy of TheChive.

What an awesome Sunday!  Actually, it was a fantastic weekend.  Who would have thought being sick would actually make the weekend better?  As I mentioned before, I lost my voice after a very Irish St. Paddy’s day.  What I didn’t realize is that I was also getting sick.  Friday evening I started to get a pretty good cough.  So, for the first time in a long time, I was able to get to bed sober on a Friday night!  I spent all of Saturday being a lazy sloth and I caught up on some reading and video games.  I did feel bad missing a friends bday celebration, but there was no way my body was going to handle being out.  I was out cold by 11pm and I didn’t wake up until 10am on Sunday!  Anyone who has had the unfortunate pleasure of sleeping with me knows that it is rare for me to wake up so late.  I had planned to go to work as there was some work being done, and I figured I would make an appearance.  Luckily I didn’t have anything to do because that got cancelled!  So, the only thing I had left in my schedule was brunch with a friend.  After all of that I was home by 3pm and ready for a solid nap.  My evening was spent doing laundry, which may sound like a crappy way to end a weekend.  What makes doing laundry worth it?  Sleeping in a bed with clean sheets!  Call me simple but there aren’t many pleasures greater than that.  So, that completes my sober weekend.  I am now laying in bed and am ready for another busy week.  I even managed to get my lunch ready for tomorrow.  I will let you in on a little secret: the product below is just about the greatest thing that has ever happened to a sandwich!

Kraft Spicy Mayo!  I haven’t seen this in any grocery stores in Canada (I haven’t looked very hard though).  My mom picked this up for me when she was in the States.  This stuff is liquid gold.  It is the Chuck Norris of sandwich spreads.  I shit you not, this bottle has changed my life!  I have used it to jack up some boring egg salad.  I have used it as a dip for some home made french fries.  Throwing it on a turkey sandwich makes it just about the most superior thing bread has ever seen.  There is nothing this stuff can’t do.  I strongly suggest you all give it a shot.  Hmmm…now I am hungry.  Gotta go!

My god, did I ever get Irish on Wednesday!  I went out to the bar with my coworkers and we cranked it up a notch.  My original plan was to have one or two pints and then head home.  Who the hell was I kidding?!  I drank like the shit was going out of style.  Once again, I found myself sleeping somewhere random.  I really need to spend a night in my own bed someday.  Work was an absolute disaster Thursday.  During all of my drinking and yelling “spring break!” I managed to lose my voice.  I was able to have a fairly productive day though.  It’s amazing what you can get done when you don’t have to answer the phone.  I played my hockey game at night and that workout was definitely needed.  I felt much better after that.  The two beers after the game helped as well.  This weekend should be pretty relaxing.  My goal is to sleep in my own bed.  Lofty goal, I know.  Let’s see what happens.  Since I didn’t post anything else St. Paddy’s day related - here is a comic for you.

There is one thing I am certain hasn’t changed about me - I can be absolutely cold about throwing things out. I hold almost no sentimental value in anything. I throw away mementos, photos, girlfriends, etc. I do all of these with little thought or care. I just am not the kind of person who spends much time looking back. I still care about all the things in my past, I just see no reason to keep it around. I do make an exception for a few things in my life. When something truly proves its worth in my life, I feel it has earned it’s place in my life. Below are two of the longest serving items in my possession.

This is an old Hockey Hall of Fame T-shirt that is now about 14 years old. You can barely call it a T-shirt now. It is too fragile to be worn. The material is worn so thin it is pretty much transparent. I don’t wear it because it would disintegrate into nothing if I tried to wash it. This T-shirt managed the almost impossible feat in a dudes life. It went from a T-shirt I could wear to school, to one that only got chillin’ duty, to one that was worn to bed, to being relegated to under hockey equipment! It survived all that to come back to being worn to bed! A rare accomplishment that deserves praise! Hockey Hall of Fame T-shirt, your place in my hall of fame is secure. My mom once threatened to throw it away when I was 21 years old. I threatened to burn the house down. That pretty much summed up my passion for this piece of clothing. It will spend the rest of it’s life in my closet, unless I finally decide to frame it.

Next up is Pajamas, my stuffed dog. Don’t laugh, this is for real! I have had this thing for damn near 3 decades! This is the only childhood toy I still have. Everything else has been purged through the many moves in my life. Somehow, through it all, Pajamas still gets a spot at the end of my bed on some days. He spent many years guarding the top shelf of my closet but found a new purpose at the start of 2009. My baby bulldog, Chubbs, would snuggle up to Pajamas when he was sleeping on my bed. I assumed Chubbs would just tear eat him. I guess he knew how to respect his elders! Pajamas kept me safe through many bad dreams and I guess he will be around long enough to do the same if I ever have kids!