This weekend was definitely an eventful one!  I had that awesome experience of playing hockey with some former NHLers.  On Saturday evening we had a little get together at a friends place and there was some damage done to my insides by some of the hottest chicken wings I have ever tasted in my life.  I will post more about that as soon as I get my hands on my girlfriends camera.  After dealing with the dreaded ring of fire, and a nasty hangover, I had a hockey game to play on Sunday night.  I had thought about skipping that game as I felt I was going to be useless out there.  It turns out I probably should have.  In the middle of the first period I went crashing into the boards with an opposing player and managed to injure my wrist.  I stayed in the game because I am not a pussy but I was pretty useless after that.  I couldn’t put any weight on my right hand so I couldn’t even shoot the puck.  I had zero range of motion and the thing was swelling up pretty bad.  This morning I decided to go get it checked out and it looks like I probably have a little fracture.  So, now my right wrist is done up in a cast.  Trust me when I tell you that it is not easy to type with this rock hard thing wrapped around my thumb.  I keep accidentally hitting the track pad and tapping things I don’t want to.  Since it is very easy to make a mistake I will avoid trading today and a mistake there could literally cost me thousands of dollars.  As you can see, it won’t stop me from blogging!  This is one of the reasons I should put more focus on monetizing this blog and building up a larger fan base.  Don’t worry, I won’t forget all my current readers.  I just need to find a way to make money off your asses without ruining your reading experience.  One thing I have to do is promote my posts a little more.  I get a fair bit of traffic already and it is amazing considering I don’t do any promotion.  As a test I used one of my financial posts and tried submitting it on Tipd.  Even with that simple step I was able to triple my blogs unique visitors over 4 days!  I definitely see some good income potential out of this thing.  I already make more than enough to cover my hosting costs plus a little extra cash.  Blogging might end up being a money maker for me.  All I need is a little time, patience and a right hand that works!  Once I get this cast off I will be set.

* A quick shot from my webcam of my injured wrist which has hindered my ability to use my computer

Fresh off the heels of the March 20th Cow attack on the QEW, the Pigs have followed up with a more devastating attack. Around 8am on Monday morning a group of elite Pig soldiers escaped an unmarked mobile prison transport and took over the 401. The 401 is the busiest highway in Canada and one of the busiest in North America. This confirms that the animal world is stepping up it’s efforts to eradicate humanity. The Cow attack last month caused panic and lost productivity, but no civilians were hurt. This Pig attack was more brutal. The Pigs are said to have caused 4 injuries - 2 serious and 2 minor. The boldness of the animal forces to strike with a 2nd attack so soon proves that we cannot sit by and watch anymore. Our way of life has changed. We must all start eating much more pork, beef and chicken products. We must prepare for attacks on all fronts including air and sea. We have the technology. We have the weapons. We have opposable digits. Now, we must add resolve. We cannot allow nature to win this war. The score is now 2-0. Will we sit quietly without response?

Man versus nature…the battle continues! What with global warming, deforestation and the slaughter of millions of animals for food and fun, I assumed we were winning this epic struggle. Every once in a while nature decides to invade with some resistance force. Today, a group of highly trained, elite Cow soldiers escaped from a mobile holding cell and proceeded to establish a new base camp right on the QEW Westbound. This stopped the highway and crippled productivity for thousands of residents. Our local defense mounted a counter attack and were finally able to round up the cattle on side roads and bring order back to the area.

The Cows, once free, displayed their training by taking complete control of a major highway within moments. This attack served as a lesson in our lack of preparedness of enemy animal attacks. Although the Cows didn’t cause any civilian casualties, what would have happened if they managed to communicate to other Cows or their allies? Given their level of efficiency, they could have taken over most of east Mississauga/west Toronto before rush hour ended. The time has come to step up our efforts! Drive gas guzzlers, club baby seals and spray chemicals into the air. We cannot stray on the road to victory, lest Cows take over that road and stop us.

As you can see from my last post, stupidity seems to be the one true unstoppable force in this universe. Every year I love Christmas time, but I hate trying to drive anywhere. This is the time that everyone is a little stressed out and distracted. And for a bad driver, that only leaves a fraction of their limited brain to focus on the road. We all know about the tailgater and the excessive speeder. But, there are some of the more rare of the idiot driver species common in North America. Here are the road sinners that drive me nuts:

• The Weaver - the jerk who thinks that he will somehow get to work more than 2 minutes earlier by wildly swerving between lanes. You know you will see him/her up at the next light exactly in the same distance from you as the last light. Extra jack-ass points if they drive a minivan with a “Baby on Board” sticker.

• The Multi-Tasker - This fool thinks that the 45 minutes behind the wheel is a great time to put on their makeup, read the newspaper, make pancakes on a portable hot plate, etc. Extra jack-ass points if they actually have a passenger who could easily be driving for them.

• The Left Lane Bandit - This person wants the left lane. They need to be in the left lane. This is the only lane to be in. It’s hot. Life is better in this lane. Even if someone is going faster, this person refuses to give up the lane. Extra jack-ass points if they only speed up when someone tries to pass them on the right.

• The Wide Turner - This person feels a need to drift into the middle lane, so they can use two lanes to make a right turn. It is so much easier to make a right turn by cutting people off as opposed to actually slowing down and turning the damn wheel! This person also refuses to enter the left turn lane fully. They just couldn’t stand to live with themselves if they didn’t force everyone to stop and watch them complete a turn. Extra jack-ass points if you need these two lanes and you drive a Civic or other small car.

• The Bored Driver - This jerk gets all their entertainment from what they see and do on the road. This person will stop and admire all the construction equipment, or emergency vehicles because lord knows that the 400 people behind him don’t have anywhere to go! Extra jack-ass points if you also stop in the middle of the lane in order to window shop.

• The Illiterate - This person will honk insanely at you to complete your turn, until you have to remind them to read the sign that says “No Right Turn on Red”. This person also stops at an intersection that doesn’t have a stop sign, which causes confusion for all. Extra jack-ass points for driving an expensive car. I cannot forgive your inability to read road signs when you are a CEO and clearly have read a book or two.

• The Brain Farter - This jerk is an otherwise good driver. They are cautious and safe. They wear seat-belts and aren’t too aggressive. Perfect…right up until that one moment where they have someone at their mercy and they inexplicably do the most dangerous, selfish act on wheels. I have a personal hate for this one as it was a Brain-Farter who almost killed me on my motorcycle years ago when they took me out going through an intersection. The lady admitted to seeing me coming, but then decided at the last minute that she could probably make her turn before I got there. Well, after I cleared the intersection in the air and my bike got knocked into a side road, she laughingly admitted to having a brain fart. Yes, funny as I writhe in pain 200 feet down the road. Extra jack-ass points if you are that crazy lady and you still drive!